Schwarzenegger To Balance Budget By Converting All Freeways To Toll Roads

Schwarzenegger To Balance Budget By Converting All Freeways To Toll Roads

At a press conference today, Governor Schwarzenegger had another brilliant inspirational vision and declared that he is converting all the freeways into a toll road system. They would be renamed freetoways. This is part of his declared war on special interests. “The people who use freeways are the largest and most powerful special interest group in the state- their free ride is over,” he stated. “The state will make billions and won’t have to give any to the Indian casinos. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this earlier. Drivers need freeways even more than they need gas. Without freeways all they can do is since in their driveways idling and wasting gas. They can’t go anywhere.” Under the plan, an annual expensive permit will have to be bought for each vehicle that uses the system, plus there will be electronic pay for usage, similar to toll lanes now in use. Each suitcase in a car would carry an electronic tag and also incur a charge. “The system is designed so it won’t even slow you down. Speeding tickets will be based on how fast you get to your exit, saving on CHP expenses. At the end of the month, everyone will get a huge bill and our troubles are over”, he said. “We will make enough money to balance the budget and we will have enough to buy the existing toll roads and make them free.” When asked if there would be any exemptions, like for instance, economic hardship, the elderly, school buses or Cal Trans vehicles he declared, “No, we want that money too. California will become the richest state in the world.”

©2008 Eric Stamets