Swine Flu

Swine Flu

In the interest of the political correctness of not wanting to insult pigs or pig farmers and the implied associations by those who catch it, the World Health Organization (WHO) has announced that swine flu will no longer be called swine flu, but will be called by its scientific name for the virus “H1N1 influenza A” (pronounced “Heini influenza A”). Why should we expect that any disease associated with a heini should not be very bad? They will also refer to it as “porcine influenza” so that most people won’t know what they’re talking about. They have gone overboard to emphasize that being around pigs has not been a cause of the spread, so yes, you can go ahead and get in the mud with them like usual. I had the flu last week and it had all the symptoms of swine flu. When the doctor asked me where I had been I said, “Only to my exercise class”. She concluded that I was not suffering from swine flu, but if I got it in class, from “old goat flu”. It has been shown that the genetic makeup of the virus is 3/4 swine, 1/8 human and 1/8 bird giving rise to the name suggestion of “homoavianporcine influenza” which is so hard to pronounce that no one would think of getting it. It shows a much closer relationship between humans and pigs and birds and pigs. It is being suggested in scientific circles that this is a demonstration that humans are descended from pigs and not apes as has been thought. With allowance for just a little bit more evolution, the pig-bird association will prove the old adage repeated by some that “We will have a black president when pigs fly”.

©2009 Eric Stamets