California To Print Own Money

California To Print Own Money

In a brash move to prevent next year’s budget crisis and to pay off this year’s deficit, Gov. Schwarzenegger announced he would be proactive, not just proactor, and in an effort to try to permanently cure California’s budget crisis and deficit without raising taxes, the state will start printing its own money. Yes, he said he was aware of some obscure law that gives that right to the federal government, but how long has it been since someone has actually gotten the law out and read it, the majority of people aren’t even aware of it. Plus it talks only about coins and California will only print paper money. He feels that it’s one of those archaic and unenforceable laws and if he had been born in the U.S., he would be president and could do what he wants anyway. Besides, look what the federal government gets away with by having that ability and since California’s economy is one of the largest in the world and larger than most country’s, it’s only fair. He feels he has really already covered any possible legal challenges. He would not call California’s money “money”, but instead “yenom” (remember that?) Anyone heard calling it money would be fined and imprisoned. That way the federal government wouldn’t have even a peg leg to stand on. California could then easily come up with the amounts it needs after it finds a source for some very special paper. When asked what would back the new yenom, he said there was plenty of gold in storage in the ground in California. To accelerate the yenom’s acceptance, he is working on a special deal (rumored to have involved cigars and a tent on the capital lawn) with the casinos so that when chips or tokens are bought, the customer would receive a bonus if they are purchased with the new yenom and the casinos would pay out only in yenom. That ought to do it. No report on what it would cost the state or if they’re even worried about it. To make things easy and interchangeable, there would be a locked-in exchange rate of one Califony to one dollar, which hopefully will make them acceptable everywhere. Even though he is not dead yet, the governor plans to have his likeness on the one Califony bill, with a cigar in his mouth. O.J. Simpson would be on the fives to tens. Tribal leaders of the largest casinos would appear on the higher denominations.

©2008 Eric Stamets