Obama Spreads The Wealth, Nothing For Julian

Obama Spreads The Wealth, Nothing For Julian

Now that President Obama has been inaugurated, he can start on his expressed goal to share the wealth. This is in the form of what is called a “stimulus package.” A “package” is something that is wrapped neatly and that the U.S. Postal Service will accept for mailing. The “stimulus package” that was passed has been carelessly wrapped with exposed sticky duct tape and is so covered with dog hair that it couldn’t make it out of Julian’s Post Office, even though the workers there would bend over backward to help you. There was nothing in the “package” to keep the hundreds of Starbucks open that are closing- where’s the stimulus in that? Without their coffee the population of the United States will get drowsy and go to sleep. There were many people who supported Obama from Julian. However there weren’t enough votes to catch his attention and so there won’t be any wealth spread out here, not from any earmarks, not from any birthmarks, not from any marks made by desperate fingernails trying to hang on, not even from a butt tattoo mark. After the election, the TV news showed all of the exuberant supporters cheering wildly, as if the gravy train was about to arrive. For those in the right areas it is about to. As for Julian, it’s a bad place to be if there’s a wildfire and it’s a bad place to be when the spreading machine starts spraying out money. The machine, which is modified from one of those huge fertilizer spreaders on giant corporate farms, is so big it can’t make the tight curves coming up here and doesn’t have enough power to carry it up the hill. The machine will be confined to those areas with straight roads or freeways. If that news isn’t bad enough, the tax machines that suck the money out of your bank account are built on a Humvee chassis, have a beak like a mosquito, can go anywhere, even break through bank doors and have a special mattress flipper attachment on the rear.

©2009 Eric Stamets