Banner Grade To Be Renamed “Highway of Death”

Banner Grade To Be Renamed “Highway of Death”

In a brazen attempt to shore up its flagging tourist industry, Julian will be renaming the Banner Grade. It was noted, last summer, how many Americans were flocking, at no small expense, to Bolivia to be able to ride the “Highway of Death” there. Unfortunately, large numbers of them found out why it got that name. After an exhaustive demographic study, it was shown that after so many years of video games being available, that anything like the image that Julian was trying to convey-- Old-fashioned hometown and as All-American as apple pie-- was way off the mark. Anything without an element of danger and gore left potential visitors incredibly bored. So now Banner Grade will be officially known as the North American “Highway of Death.” It will offer American tourists a much more economical and easier to reach “Highway of Death” and help with the U.S. energy and tourism independence program. Although deaths, unfortunately, have occurred in the past on the road (and are needed to legitimize the claim), visitors here would have a very slim chance of actually dying, unlike in South America, and losing ½ of their roundtrip ticket and the cost of sending the correct body back to the family. With the repaving done, they would get a much smoother ride to boot. They could actually go home and brag about having cheated death in riding the “Highway of Death” although it would be good publicity if just an occasional tourist died on the road. Just think of the tee shirt potential. If this plan works out, the town may want to consider the nickname of Julian- “Goldrush Town of Death” or something similar. The younger affluent-enough-to-buy-videogames crowd is expected to flock here by the thousands. The study showed that if the Santa Ysabel Casino changed their name to the Casino of Death, they would quadruple their business. It’s not that people want to win as much as they want to thumb their nose at losing and the more dangerous, the better. If someone would develop a video game around the concept, it would be off the charts. It gives one pause to wonder what the theme of the 4th of July parade will be then.

©2009 Eric Stamets