Al-Qaeda Almost Destroys U.S. Economy By Buying Houses

Al-Qaeda Almost Destroys U.S. Economy By Buying Houses

Banks Can’t Believe They Didn’t Somehow Profit
It was just discovered this week that the U.S. economy has been under an attack by Al-Qaeda in what is thought to be the financial equivalent of 9/11. However, this time there were only a few actual deaths and those were by investors that jumped out of high rise buildings on their own volition. The plan evidently worked like this: A kinda middle eastern looking man and a covered woman would go to the bank and make a down payment on a house by peeling brand new hundred dollar bills off of a giant bundle. The bankers were so dazzled by the show of actual cash that they forgot to ask for income statements and social security numbers. When queried on where they got that much cash, the purchasers would respond that they owned a convenience store and didn’t pay income taxes. “Sounded reasonable to me,” said one banker through a voice changer, who wouldn’t give his name or location. When asked if the money could have been counterfeit, the banker replied, “We couldn’t tell. It looked good to us, but we had our suspicions. On some bills, minute errors made by the Bureau of Engraving and Printing had been corrected. On other bills, Franklin’s nose hairs were shown in their historically accurate length and not cosmetically enhanced.” The purchasers would always offer the asking price or more for a house, pay the down payment and take out an adjustable rate mortgage, make one or two payments, in cash, move out and let the house go into foreclosure. They would do this repeatedly and would have at least 4 or 5 houses in escrow at the same time. When asked how this could happen, the banker stated that the purchasers never used the same name twice. The bank’s computers didn’t pick this up. For instance, one time it would be Mohammed el-Rahbi and the next time it would be Robbie el-Mohammed and then el-Rober Mohammed. One application had the name Faque el-visYohammeridin. Also, all the men had moustaches and looked kinda all alike and they couldn’t get a good description of the women other than robe color, which was black. It is not known how many teams were active, although it is now clear they had many unsuspecting low income black, white, Hispanic and Asian accomplices. One couple has been detained in the case. They have admitted to have been working for Al-Qaeda. When asked if they were advocating the violent overthrow of the United States, the man answered through a translator, “No, violence won’t be necessary.”
©2008 Eric Stamets