Al-Qaeda Insolvent With Market Losses

As proof that Al-Qaeda is not as organized as was thought, sources have informed us that their financial arm has suffered extreme losses in the financial market meltdown. By the time they closed out of the “decadent western pig financial system” in March they lost 90% of their combined real and counterfeit money. It is now seen that they had no trouble whatsoever in circumventing the bank restrictions in place to prevent them from being able to transfer and invest funds. These same restrictions would have kept them out of the market and prevented their losses, but their financial advisors were ordered to come up with a big winner and make a killing on Wall Street so that they would gain enough to buy an atomic bomb. As a result, they were deeply involved in the mortgage investments that caused so many banks to fail without realizing that another arm of the organization was very active in the U.S. buying houses at inflated prices and letting them go into foreclosure, almost destroying the financial system. Several detained bankers have been questioned on how Al-Qaeda could bypass the banking regulations so easily. They replied, “What would you do? How were we to know these people were representing Al-Qaeda? They brought in very large sums of needed money and it was all in cash. Some spoke English, were all well shaved and dressed in very nice expensive suits, too.”

©2009 Eric Stamets